Okay, you’ve made the decision, once and for all, you’re finally going to quit doing that one thing you’ve sworn off so many times before. In recent years, this has become an all-too-common place to find ourselves as human beings. Why is it that we can’t just stay stopped? Does this constitute addiction? How do I know when I have a problem? If you have found yourself asking these questions, you’re in the right place. This article will cover those pesky habits, why it is so hard to stop, and how to quit for good (or at least make significant improvements).
What is the difference between a bad habit and an addiction?
Let’s start with a question; what is the difference in a bad habit and an addiction? In a clinical sense, we tend to define addiction as a pattern of repeated behavior despite negative consequences. It is also common to have the experience of wanting to stop and not being able to, or engaging in dangerous activities while under the influence putting ourselves in harm’s way. By this definition, any number of habits could be considered addictions, but even then, do they really constitute going to therapy, residential treatment, or AA?
Let’s consider drinking for example, there are absolutely consequences to drinking too much alcohol. For many people, they reach a point when they begin to realize the consequences of their drinking are beginning to outweigh the benefits. They show up to work late the following day, or maybe they take the whole day off. Maybe their relationships are starting to suffer and they argue with their spouse or significant other while drunk or about their drinking. They spend more money on alcohol or other purchases while under the influence, or maybe they eat unhealthy food or smoke cigarettes or even drive drunk. They don’t act in accordance with their own intentions or values when alcohol is involved. For some people, they can simply notice this pattern and choose to stop; for others, it is not so simple.
Does taking a break from alcohol help?
Have you ever told yourself: “I won’t drink for thirty days” or “I just need a reset”? I hear these phrases all the time. The problem is that without some serious intervention to resolve the issue, most people tend to go straight back to drinking the same amount and with the same consequences as before. Thus enter the addictive cycle.
So why is it so difficult for some of us to manage these behaviors? First, it is important to recognize why we use our behavior or substance of choice in the first place. Regardless of our first experience with whatever it is we are trying to stop (it may be porn, gambling, drinking, online shopping, social media use, nicotine, etc.) we have learned over time that this thing makes us feel good. The more we use it, the more we seem to crave that feeling. Another way to think about this is to say that we don’t like the way we feel, and would prefer to feel something else, ideally something pleasurable. I have heard many people say something like “alcohol isn’t the problem; alcohol is the solution to the problem.” Essentially what they are describing is the experience of being uncomfortable with how they feel on a day-to-day or moment-to-moment basis.
What are some techniques to stop drinking?
Once we recognize that the problem does not lie with the substance or behavior itself, but rather with how we feel, we can begin to work on some meaningful changes. The first step I always recommend here is to start journaling. It doesn’t matter if you feel like you have nothing to write or you don’t know what to write, it’s less about content and more about practice. See, journaling forces us to slow down and look inward. By beginning to check in with yourself on a daily basis, you naturally begin to notice more and more how you feel. For most of us, we never really notice how we feel, we just coast until something happens to trigger us and then reach for our vices. The goal of this practice is to learn how to be uncomfortable. Learn to work with your emotions rather than running from them and you will begin to solve the problem. If you’re interested in getting started with journaling see my free 30-day journaling prompts.
Another tool to consider here is meditation. There are tons of free apps and videos online that can help you begin a meditation practice. Meditation can help with emotional regulation, patience, self-knowledge, stress management, etc. I highly recommend that if you’re interested in quitting your specific behavior or substance of choice, that you add meditation into your daily routine.
In one sense, the goal here is discomfort. If you can learn how to be uncomfortable and just sit with your feelings, you begin to shift from viewing feelings as something that need to be “fixed” to something that can simply be accepted. Slowly, and with enough practice, you will understand that there is no emotion so big or uncomfortable that you cannot handle. Emotions are not dangerous; our reactions to them may be harmful, but the emotions themselves cannot hurt us. Learn to be comfortable in your own mind and body and you will never need to use that substance or behavior again.
Of course, these are simply recommendations on getting started. There are many more reasons why people tend to develop addictive behaviors. I always recommend working with a professional therapist if you are interested in getting to the root of the issue. There is no feeling or situation that cannot be overcome with the assistance of a licensed, supportive, and collaborative mental health professional.
If you have questions about yourself or someone else, feel free to fill out our inquiry form and a licensed therapist will reach out to you within 24 hours to schedule a consultation.
NOTE: It is important to recognize that many substances have true chemically addictive qualities such as alcohol, opiates, and nicotine and the complete and sudden cessation of use can lead to serious medical complications. Extreme caution should be used when considering quitting these substances, and the consultation of a medical professional, or detox facility is highly recommended.
